My birthday is coming up on the 18th and that’s always cause for reflection by anyone. We reflect on what we’ve accomplished over the past 12 months, on where we are with our career and often on what’s going on with our romantic life. So here I am, sat on a flight from NYC to SFO watching the film Moulin Rouge, which is pulling at my romantic heartstrings and making me wonder…is ENOUGH enough? Should I end the lifestyle I’ve been leading and start to think about the future and settling down?
It’s really a tough question. I’ve been ‘officially’ single since 1994 and living very happily in that regard just about the entire decade. The first six years of this hiatus were spent in Spain where I honestly didn’t want a relationship because I was so happy with the life my daughter and I had – and I had such amazing friends there who were like a second family. Between my daughter, my career and the fun I had with mates, there was nothing really missing that needed a permanent solution. Then I moved to India and ended up falling for a man who would never make anything official. Although we still chat almost daily, our relationship is a dead end because he’s Indian and I am a divorced woman with a grown daughter and he isn’t strong enough to – or doesn’t care enough to – stand by me … so that’s that.
Now I’m off to live in Hong Kong next week. Until last year when my daughter went off to uni I always told myself that I was happy as I was because I didn’t want anyone to come in between the relationship she and I had. I never wanted to miss a moment of being a mommy with her, because it was the greatest time of my entire life. Every holiday we took was an adventure, I worked hard to make her life better…and felt so blessed every day that she was my little angel. Well, now my angel is in her second year of uni, she’s about to turn 19 and I can’t use her for the excuse for why I shouldn’t be in a relationship anymore.
Yet after 10 years, maybe I need to think about whether or not I really stayed single for the reasons I say I did. Maybe I just like being free to live my own life? Maybe I don’t have what it takes after so long to be in a 50/50 relationship? And let’s face it, my Indian never had a chance of being a real relationship because most Indian men aren’t bred to be 50/50 in relationships so how long would that have lasted before I went on strike over something or other?
When I think about my future, all I do know for sure is that I love the unknown. OHHHH, and I do have this very odd fantasy about retiring in several years to go and live in a beach hut on an island to write my first novel. Then I will fall madly, deeply, in love with an Australian – hopefully a rancher – and live out my days with a strapping Aussie with a wonderful accent in the middle of nowhere (although of course it would have amazing satellite wifi!). Anyway, that’s the dream. I know you can’t force things like that (well, without being massively calculating but that is for sure NOT me), but it just sounds like heaven.
So I will turn 44 single and with no life plan….and once again happy! Who knows what the hell will happen in the coming year but I’m super up for finding out. I don’t have any ambitions for being in a relationship beyond that of my family and friends. My goal for the year ahead is to be happy, learn oodles of new things with my new job, spend time with my daughter whenever possible, make friends in Hong Kong and to start exploring southeast Asia and blogging the heck out of it all. Who knows what might come of all that!!!
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