43 and Single. Is it Time to Settle Down?

My birthday is coming up on the 18th and that’s always cause for reflection by anyone. We reflect on what we’ve accomplished over the past 12 months, on where we are with our career and often on what’s going on with our romantic life. So here I am, sat on a flight from NYC to SFO watching the film Moulin Rouge, which is pulling at my romantic heartstrings and making me wonder…is ENOUGH enough? Should I end the lifestyle I’ve been leading and start to think about the future and settling down?

It’s really a tough question. I’ve been ‘officially’ single since 1994 and living very happily in that regard just about the entire decade. The first six years of this hiatus were spent in Spain where I honestly didn’t want a relationship because I was so happy with the life my daughter and I had – and I had such amazing friends there who were like a second family. Between my daughter, my career and the fun I had with mates, there was nothing really missing that needed a permanent solution.   Then I moved to India and ended up falling for a man who would never make anything official.  Although we still chat almost daily, our relationship is a dead end because he’s Indian and I am a divorced woman with a grown daughter and he isn’t strong enough to – or doesn’t care enough to – stand by me … so that’s that.

Now I’m off to live in Hong Kong next week. Until last year when my daughter went off to uni I always told myself that I was happy as I was because I didn’t want anyone to come in between the relationship she and I had. I never wanted to miss a moment of being a mommy with her, because it was the greatest time of my entire life. Every holiday we took was an adventure, I worked hard to make her life better…and felt so blessed every day that she was my little angel. Well, now my angel is in her second year of uni, she’s about to turn 19 and I can’t use her for the excuse for why I shouldn’t be in a relationship anymore.

Yet after 10 years, maybe I need to think about whether or not I really stayed single for the reasons I say I did. Maybe I just like being free to live my own life? Maybe I don’t have what it takes after so long to be in a 50/50 relationship? And let’s face it, my Indian never had a chance of being a real relationship because most Indian men aren’t bred to be 50/50 in relationships so how long would that have lasted before I went on strike over something or other?

When I think about my future, all I do know for sure is that I love the unknown. OHHHH, and I do have this very odd fantasy about retiring in several years to go and live in a beach hut on an island to write my first novel. Then I will fall madly, deeply, in love with an Australian – hopefully a rancher – and live out my days with a strapping Aussie with a wonderful accent in the middle of nowhere (although of course it would have amazing satellite wifi!). Anyway, that’s the dream. I know you can’t force things like that (well, without being massively calculating but that is for sure NOT me), but it just sounds like heaven.

So I will turn 44 single and with no life plan….and once again happy! Who knows what the hell will happen in the coming year but I’m super up for finding out. I don’t have any ambitions for being in a relationship beyond that of my family and friends. My goal for the year ahead is to be happy, learn oodles of new things with my new job, spend time with my daughter whenever possible, make friends in Hong Kong and to start exploring southeast Asia and blogging the heck out of it all. Who knows what might come of all that!!!

XOXO Angela

© 2014, Angela Carson and Angela-Carson.com. All rights reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.

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Angela Carson

At 21 I left uni, jumped into my Jeep Wrangler, and drove from my native California to live an adventure in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I've explored 32 countries on 4 continents, residing in 7 of them (currently Kuala Lumpur is my home). By day I'm a digital nomad and by night I'm a passionate storyteller. I even have a private pilot's license and was shot at once by bandits!
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10 Comments on “43 and Single. Is it Time to Settle Down?

  1. Ha Ha I liked your advertisement and guess what I am applying for this vacancy?? Hey we need to meet now that you are going to be based in HK. Hope things settle down soon and we can hear more of your spring roll experiences!

    Big Love,

    Ciao,
    Keith

  2. Does that mean I need to buy us a ranch? (we don’t call them that in australia by the way…) I was hoping for ocean views though. x Michael

    • You read my blog! I think my heart just grew 3x its size like in the Grinch 🙂 YESSSSSSSSSSSS, we need a ranch, with sexy ranch hands like the drover in the movie Australia. It can be seaside as long as there’s tons of land!! Wooo hooo, plan B if Sitges doesn’t work out is here. xoxo

  3. Hi Angela,

    Came here via LinkedIn. Your story is really inspiring.

    As an Indian who has made the United States her home, my journey is the antipode of yours. Living in another country brings a perspective so unique that it cannot be taught.
    I feel I have become more of a world citizen now. Your path is truly inspiring.

    Sorry that it didn’t work out with the Indian guy. But there are plenty of Indians and Asians who do stand up for the men/women they love. Hong Kong is an international city and I wish you all the best there, personally and professionally.

    Cheers,
    Lakshmi

    • Thanks so much, Lakshmi. For both your kind words and for sharing and adding to the conversation. I love that we are living the polar opposite life and that we are both happier for it 🙂 Life would be very boring indeed if we were all the same! Have a wonderful week ahead! -angela

  4. Angela,
    I also found your blog through LinkedIn. It struck a cord, since your post about your bday was made on MY 42nd bday, and I’m a single mom (my daughter found out Friday she got accepted into her dream college). Just like you, I have dreams of retiring to a shack on an island with a hot Australian man (what is it about them?!). I am currently in the interview process for my dream job that I am hoping will eventually take me international (I still have 3 1/2 years until my son leaves the nest). I am now following your blog and also on Instagram, I feel like we are soul sisters. I wish you peace and happiness in your new home and with your new job! Please know there is a kindred spirit in North Carolina who is cheering you on.

    All the best,
    Sage

  5. I was reading ur indian blog always good to reconnect with u again

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